Is He/She the One?

When I was single, I used to get so frustrated at married people who would answer my "How did you know?" question with, "You just know."

I resolved to never answer that way. Ever.

And then I met Corinne. We've been married 7 years now and it's been absolutely incredible. During our courtship (yes, we actually called it that), I struggled with my resolution because I really started to believe she was the one I would spend the rest of my life with and I didn't (at first) have a clear answer why. I knew I had to be sure for myself and in the past there were other girls, why was this one different?

I think I discovered something that might help you understand the, "You just know" answer. It's something I've thought a lot about over the years and after sharing it with a couple single guys last night, I thought it would be worth blogging about.

If you're a Christ follower, here's an exercise for you:

How do you know you're going to heaven?

How do you really, really know? The answer to that question is very similar to the answer about knowing who your spouse is. Your answer my vary, but here's mine:

1. The Bible
2. The Holy Spirit
3. The input of family and friends I respect
4. Wisdom from spiritual leaders (pastors, mentors, etc)

I trust in what the Bible says about my eternity based on my confession of faith and the fruit in my life (i.e. positive change to be more like Christ). I know the Holy Spirit is speaking to me and directing me, confirming my conviction of faith. The encouragement and perspective from family and friends who's lives I admire is also critical. Finally, input from people who have devoted their life to studying God's word and serving others is invaluable.

That's how I know I'm saved, but it's also how I knew Corinne was to be my wife.

Did I flip open the Bible one day and see our names etched together in a heart? No. But I did see Psalm 37:3-5:

Trust in the LORD and do good;
Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the LORD;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.

When I read that verse, I knew Corinne was the desire of my heart. I had put in the time to cultivate faithfulness, to give up my desperate "is she the one?" search and trust God. I remember fasting and praying one Saturday before proposing. I had to be sure. The Holy Spirit was with me that day, encouraging me to move forward. It wasn't a deep emotion; I wasn't weeping or singing or anything like that. I just submitted my heart and my will to the Spirit and left everything open to correction. I remember talking with my parents, my family and friends and my pastors. By the time we started dating, no one could convince me otherwise. Corinne was going to be my wife.

I just knew.

If you're single, hopefully this information will help you know too. It's not about an emotion, it's about conviction, truth and faith. It's about you and your best friend and the plan God has for you both.

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Single? Are you a mess of emotions looking for the one? Got any questions or comments you need to get out there? If so, leave them below.

Married? How did you "just know"? Did you follow a similar process?